Fire at John Michael Talbots Hermitage in Arkansas

A long time fan of the music of John Michael Talbot, it was brought to my attention today that part of their facility, the Little Portion Hermitage, located in Arkansas' Ozark Mountains, was destroyed in fire last night, including the main chapel and library. In true JMT fashion his response to the fire was "God is stripping us back to what is really essential to our way of life and that we will rebuild with greater efficiency, but in stone." Unless we've experienced it ourselves, it is hard to imagine how we, ourselves, would react, given the same circumstances... What would I do if I were to lose all my "belongings" to fire, flood, or some other unforeseen disaster?... Sort of like the old adage, "It's hard to realize that God is all you need, until God is all you have..." or something like that... You can read more here.

Over 40 and Pregnant

Late in life pregnancy can give you a whole new perspective on having babies than when one is younger. For me, well, my husband and I were married almost 8 years before I even conceived our first child, just before I was 30. We weren't even sure that I could have children. We weren't really "trying" to have kids, but we weren't really not trying, either... My reaction, then was a mixture of stunned disbelief and stunned excitement... lol... I had a sort of "feeling" that I might be pregnant and when I got up to go to 6:30 am daily mass that morning I sort of only half consciously took a home preg. test that I had put away in a cupboard "just in case"... After getting ready to run out the door, I went back to the bathroom to check the results and it still wasn't really registering when I saw the little "+" sign in the window... I kissed my husband goodbye and went to Mass.

Now we had talked about having children. We had even picked out a girls name of "Claire Elise", after St. Claire. But that was years before... My husband had two children, 13 and 14, from a previous marriage, one of which lived with us, so, I was happy to help raise them and do all the "parent" stuff that went along with that... Anyway, this particular morning that I took that home preg test and left for mass, still not computing, it was August 11, 1995. I went in and knelt down until Fr. walked in to begin and announced that it was the feast of St. Claire.... My tears flowed for the entire Mass! After Mass I went to the local drug store and bought ANOTHER test just "to make sure"... I had no idea how old the earlier test was, after all! I had to make sure!! I walked out side where my husband was reading and handed him the test stick and said, "Happy Father's Day"... I'll never forget that day... Despite the fact that even though I was SURE that I had a little "Claire" on the way, 8 months later we delivered our oldest son to the world. I was 30 years old. I still tease him from time to time that he was supposed to be a "Claire"...

Three years later, and again, without "officially trying" to get pregnant, just one day AFTER the feast of St. Claire, August 12, 1998 I had that same familiar feeling and took another home preg test to learn I was once again expecting. Perhaps THIS one would be "Claire".... Two weeks after my oldest sons 3rd birthday, my second son entered the world, fat and happy! I was 33. He was my most "Cherubic" baby weighing in at a hefty 8lbs! You wouldn't know it looking at him today, as he is quite small in size and stature. But what he lacks in size today he makes up for in heart and spirit!

After a few years people were once again asking if we were going to have anymore. My 35th birthday had come and gone and I was content with our two sons. Again, we weren't really "trying". In fact, this particular place and time in our lives was not really a very happy one. My father in law was in and out of the hospital for various reasons, our business was failing and we weren't really sure WHAT we were going to do with no other job prospects at the time, and life was just generally overall stressful. After my father in law passed away in January of 2001, my husband and I were going to marriage counseling. It wasn't long before that old familiar twinge had returned... It was just before we "officially" shut down our business, as we really had no other choice... Now what? A troubled marriage, a failing business, two young and growing boys, and now a third child on the way... and, oh yeah... no jobs... I was 36...

We scraped by that year on what I was able to make substituting in the local public schools while fighting nausea and extreme exhaustion. My husband spent the better part of that year training and testing to be a school bus driver. For whatever reason (God's, I suppose...) what should have been a three month process for him, ended up taking almost a year, due to lost paper work, etc... I was taken off of work for that last month of school for blood pressure issues and we were once again scraping by on a wing and a prayer. My husband's mother passed away that same summer... Despite the set backs of THIS trying time, God blessed us greatly with our first beautiful baby girl. Nope. She wasn't a Claire, either... We had chosen another name, but just as beautiful...

So, we felt complete. We had our two beautiful boys, and now a baby girl and my husband was FINALLY working full time, again, and even though it was tight, I was able to stay home for the first time, with our children. So, that brings me back to my 40th birthday party mentioned earlier. Even though I was telling myself that we were "done" now, sub-consciously I knew to hold on to the car seat and high chair... You just never know, with God, I told myself... Wisely enough, since it was only a couple of weeks after my 40th birthday that I realized I truly was pregnant, again. Having encountered more than one friend that had opted to get sterilized, due to having "enough" children, or deciding that they were getting too old, or the risks too high, etc... I was faced with having to put my money where my mouth was. Was I TRULY going to let God have control of my life and trust Him with it?... Did I believe and trust Him enough to know that He would bring us through this, as well?... What choice did I have?... The following September our "set" was complete. 2 boys, 2 girls... and it was apparent, that if God gave each of us "gifts", at least one of our gifts was making beautiful babies! : ) My second daughter has been such a joy to my life, as I refer to her as my "little hunk-a-pie"...

Now at 42 and expecting yet another, I wonder, sometimes why God chose for us to "start" our family so "late" in life...? Perhaps my husband's older kids needed us more, before. Perhaps we just weren't ready... Only God knows His reasons... Looking back on all this I know that He has a plan and will work through all things to His greater glory... The upside is that my oldest two boys are learning to help more around the house and with the younger two and I'm actually able to catch an occassional break to myself... And despite my concerns and worries for my health, I know that God has my back, there, too... He has blessed me with a new Doctor that I prayed for, and a wonderful all in one clinic to go to for everything from labs to delivery, including an on staff high risk OB specialist that I will meet with periodically, throughout.

When I made that first appointment the nurse asked me if I had a preference in who I saw. Not knowing ANY of the doctors from Adam, I asked if they had one that specialized in "geriatric- over weight- high risk pregnancy- mothers of four"? she laughed and responded that she just so happened to have just the guy! : ) I knew she was right when I actually met with the Doctor who mentioned my specialist "request". I smiled and and as we discussed my situation I then I told him that sterilization was not an option and I use "NFP" and planned on continuing to do so after I delivered, and he responded, "No problem. We'll take good care of you..." God is good...

There's a Catholic-Yankee in Texas!

A good friend and fellow "kid herder" and homeschool teacher has begun her own blog on the Catholic way of love, life and family. Drop by and check out a Catholic Yankee in Texas!

Trusting in God's Plan

So it was apparent to me about 6 weeks ago that God's plan for our family wasn't quite as complete as I would have liked... I don't mean that to sound so terrible, but at 42, and my husband being 50, I really was quite content with our family of 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. A little over 2 years ago I sat at my surprise 40th birthday dinner next to one of my best girlfriends from highschool. We sat across from another good girlfriend from highschool that was carrying her 3rd child. Kristi, the one next to me laughed and said that she had dreamt a few nights earlier that I was pregnant again! Oh! how I LAUGHED!! That was SO funny! : ) No, I told her. My previous three kids had all been spaced 3 years apart, all by God's design. We had passed the "three year mark", and now I was 40, we were obviously done... "Not so" said God from His throne on high... I learned then, if you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plans...

Now, I don't have a history of having the easiest of pregnancies. They can be quite scary, actually. At least the last month or so, due to my tendency to get toxemia and hyper tension. Child #4, my baby girl, sent me to the hospital with high blood pressure for several hours of observation a week before she was to be delivered via c-section. We made it through that last week fairly unscathed and brought home our beautiful, healthy baby girl. Okay, I told God... NOW we're done... : ) I was confident in insisting to my Doctor that I would continue to use NFP as my method of family planning, despite the risks, and against his preference.

So here I was. Less than 2 years later, once again experiencing the familiar waves of nausea throughout the day, coupled with the extreme tiredness that I just can't seem to shake. No... it can't be... I was still nursing my baby girl, for goodness sakes! Okay, I'm not THAT naive... I knew it could happen, but gosh! With 4 kids and our crazy schedules it's not like we've had a whole lot of time to be intimate in the past year!! I know, I know... it only takes ONE time... So, after I confirmed it with a home pregnancy test, there I sat, and cried... every moment I could find to be alone...

So many things go through your mind... another child... So often I feel like we can't take care of the four we already have! I feel so tired! Some days I feel SO old! So overwhelmed! Like I can't keep up! Our house is so small, and we're still trying to pay off our cars and other debt... And what about my health?! I have a husband and 4 children that need me! I can't afford to get sick or die! Lord! I am SO scared!! I don't know if I can do this again!! WHY do You have to have so much confidence in me?! It was another 3 weeks before I could tell my husband... It's not so much having another baby... I DO LOVE babies.... It's just all the other stuff, emotional, physical, financial, that comes along with it...

My prayers for the past several weeks have been to ask my Mother Mary to help me to TRUST in Her Son in all things... Trust that He has my best interest at heart. Trust that He knows what is best for me and our family. Trust that He will not leave my side and will provide what we need, regardless of what we think we want... and I pray DAILY for His Mercy. Jesus, grant me your MERCY, despite my mistrust, despite my weaknesses... Mercy, Lord Jesus.... I know You have a plan for my life. This new life within me wasn't MY plan, but Your plan, and I will keep my eyes on You in love and trust with my life. Like I tell my husband, we really don't know God's future plans for us. We really don't know what He has in mind for us down the road, as far as kids, family, jobs, etc., go.... All we can really do is entrust our lives to Him and know that He has a plan for all and will take care of us, his sheep...

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have Mercy on me! Immaculate Heart of Mary, love lead and guide me! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, we love you! Save Souls! Jesus, I trust in You!

Kelly Clarkson sings for Pope Benedict

I don't get EWTN at my house, so I have been watching my Pope coverage on FOX news, as much as I could get a chance to. Anyway, I had heard the Kelly Clarkson was going to be singing Ave Maria for the Pope and was disappointed when that was the moment that FOX chose to break for commercial. I was able, though, to find it on YouTube, which I figured I probably would be. For those others of you that missed it, enjoy. It's really beautiful...

Something About Papa Benedict...

It is really amazing to see and hear the number of people so excited to see, even just a glimpse of Pope Benedict XVI during his short visit here in the US. Catholic and not, what is it about this man that so many expect to see?...

Fox news reported after Pope Benedict landed at Andrews AFB that people came to "see" Pope John Paul II, but people come to "hear" Pope Benedict XVI. Wow.... That's something.... I think that many people, Catholic and not are all looking for a leader. They are looking for someone that KNOWS what they believe and why and is not afraid to lead by word and example with unfaltering faith. They are looking for a leader in a country that has too many "claiming" leadership qualities but missing the mark completely... They want we he's got...

My brother lives and works near Washington DC and was blessed having won two tickets from his parish's lottery to go to the Papal Mass at the stadium this morning. He was so excited and grateful to have been given the opportunity to be in such close proximity with the leader of our Catholic Church. To be so close to the successor of St. Peter! An experience I'm sure he will carry with him for the rest of his life. I still remember, like yesterday, 22 years ago, when I was lucky enough to be sitting only 10 rows back from the stage at Universal Studios CA, where Pope John Paul II stood and spoke with me and hundreds of other young people that came to see and hear this "people's Pope". I watched the smile on his face grow as we all watched the then unknown Tony Melendez sing and play guitar for Papa, with his feet....

there is just something to be said for continuity... This isn't a faith to pick and choose apart, but a faith established by Jesus, himself, to be held together for all eternity, built on ROCK. "And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." - Matthew 16:18-19

How loving and gracious is our God, taking out all the guesswork and leaving us a most Holy Church built on Rock, to turn to when we are lost or confused. I, for one, will be forever grateful....

Left To Tell

I have very recently finished the book Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza. As painful as her story was to write, and for me to read, the strength and grace of her strong faith shines through above all else. Such an inspiration.... There isn't much worse, that I can think of anyone ever having to go through, than surviving the attempted annihilation of an entire nation of people based completely on their race by people that you grew up and played and ate and were neighbors with. Yet, she relied solely on her faith in Christ to see her through. Learning to trust entirely on Him and whatever He had in store for her.

Given my own current situation, there is much for me to take away from Immaculee's inspiring story. We don't always know what God has in store for us or more appropriately, why. But I have learned over and over again, in hindsight, that He always seems to have a plan that is for my greater good. His plan always gives me the opportunity to draw closer to Him. And therein lies the challenge. Do I choose to Trust in His plan and stay focused on Him? Or do I give in to despair? Immaculee could have easily given in to despair. She speaks about giving in to her anger at times and wanting to seek revenge against those who hunted down her family and were now seeking her. Yet, when she was able to refocus on Christ, let go of her anger and ask God to help her forgive, the heaviness was lifted from her heart and she was able to see Him in the details, always by her side...

Do yourself a favor and get a copy of Left to Tell. I found mine at the local library. It is well worth the read...

My Son's a "Tween"... Heaven Help Me...

So Sunday my oldest son turned 12. He tells me today, "Just think mom! On my next birthday I'll be 13!!" Oiy! If he lives that long! And 12 year old boys aren't the easiest to shop for, either! I'm telling you, he's right at that age where many of the "toys" are just too young or too small for him and then a lot of the technology stuff is just.... Well, I don't think he's mature enough for... Besides that I feel so stoopid when it comes to some of this techie stuff that kids get so in to these days. Anyway, after my unsuccessful excursion to find "THE gift" my husband volunteered for the mission, to which I gladly accepted!

He brought home a rock polisher. That's right. A rock polisher. Now, if you knew my son, you would agree that this was a pretty cool gift. He likes science stuff and all things that kind of allow him to do hands on kinds of things. The microscope kit complete with scalpel, slides and sample boxes, etc, has been a BIG hit since my mother bought it for him a few years back. Bug collecting, dissecting, studying, etc... He's had frog habitats, bug terrariums, and an ant farm.... Now my husband's thought on this years birthday gift was that when he got the frog farm he had to WAIT to send away for the tadpoles, the ant farm, the same... Uncle Milton never seemed to be in any hurry to send out the critters that were promised to come with the project purchased and we couldn't help but sense at least a little disappointment in my son having to wait to "use" his new "thing"... So, hubby figured, rock polishing. We got rocks! No waiting! No disappointment! : )

So, as presumed, our son was THRILLED with the new gadget! He couldn't wait to open it up and start it! He starts to assemble while hubby reads the instructions... "step 1, add rocks, water and grinding powder to tumbler... start machine and tumble for 24 hours...." -snicker- "step 2, add a different grinding powder, restart machine for 48 hours...." -son's face falls- "step 3, add polishing powder and restart machine for 96 hours...." -tears are forming in sons eyes, "dad!!" "step 4, add second polishing powder and restart for another 3-4 days..." -sigh- "you're kidding, right dad?"

Hubby wasn't sure how to answer, other than, "well, no, that's what it says, son...." "But DAD!" Okay, so, deciding that they just wanted to see how it went, they started step one... about an hour or so later I heard the machine squeaking. Only half kidding, I commented, that "the machine is squeaking, does that mean that it's time for step 2?" lol... hubby and oldest son looked at each other and decided they better go check it out. A few minutes later they returned having decided that an hour and a half was close enough to a day, so they moved on to step 2. Step 2 lasted a couple of hours before they moved on to step 3. By 8pm, they figured that the polishing should just about be complete... so much for patience.... : )

My son spent the rest of the evening trying to convince himself that the rocks did look a "little shinier..." but by morning had decided to restock the tumbler and start again.

"This time I'm going to do it like the instructions say, mom..."

"Okay, son. I can't wait!" : ) I'll let you know how they turn out!

I'm back... sort of...

Okay, so I took an unexpected absence this past week, trying to just step back for a few and regroup. Life is crazy this time of year when the kids minds turn to all things out doors, among other things when life just "happens".... Today we are headed to the annual parish rummage sale to see if we can find any "treasures" and hopefully I will have time to come back and write more then. God Bless!