This Just Bugs Me...

In the grocery store this week I see the latest cover of People Magazine with an adorable picture of Jim Bob and Michelle Dugger and their latest little blessing, Josie Brooklyn. The title of the article was something like "How many is too many?"...

Seriously? First of all, I don't think it's ANY ONE'S business HOW MANY children a family has, especially when that family is hard working, honest and expecting NOTHING from anyone but relying on God's grace to help them and their family through... Certainly a foreign concept to many of the secular world, but for Jim Bob and Michelle, it seems to just come naturally... I for one appreciate and enjoy watching the Duggars on TLC when I get the chance. It's so nice to see a large family in a positive light to let people know it CAN be done! Not only are they a large family, but they are debt free, and low and behold, they actually ENJOY each other's company! HELP each other, ENCOURAGE each other to succeed...

Now, granted, I have not read the article. Quite honestly, the title on the cover was enough for me. BECAUSE the Duggars are open to life and however many children God chooses to bless them with, some how, the secular media thinks that gives them the right to question whether or not they have too many.... excuse me, if this had been their first or second child and she was born prematurely, due to circumstances beyond the mother's control, would THAT have been "enough" or "too many?..." Would there be articles written asking society if they were having too many, then?... I know, I know.... gotta sell magazines.... Here's a family with no scandal, no grudges, no "dirt" so to speak, so we might as well slam them for being.... loving, growing family, choosing to swim against the current and trust their and their children's lives to God.... go figure...

I'm in GREAT Company!

I learned JUST this morning that a long time friend , VERY close to my own age, AND having JUST celebrated 20 years of wedded "bliss" with her own hubby... (We celebrate 20 years November 5 of this year...) that she, too, is expecting a new little miracle!! I can not tell you how EXCITED this makes me!! I won't name names, but i WILL tell you that she is one of the first people that I wanted to talk to after i found out about my own current pregnancy... She has a large family, like me, and I just KNEW that she would understand... I just didn't realize HOW WELL she would understand! lol!! Congratulations to her and her family! She commented to me that we will be able to share the "Geriatric Maternity Ward" together! lol!! Please say a prayer for my friend and for the safety of her pregnancy and for her family... She, no doubt, will be subject to a lot of the same rhetoric and testing that I have been...

Genetic Counseling...

My Doctor's office called me on Thursday afternoon to tell me that my "testing" results came back as having a possibility of having a Downs baby. I told her that I had already been informed by my doctor when I saw him last week. She was very nice, but said she was calling to follow up and to see if I was interested in making an appointment to have "genetic counseling". The reason being that I could meet with a counselor and we could look more closely in to our (my husband and my) gene pools and determine if our "numbers" looked any "better" for the baby from that perspective....

I thanked her for the offer, but declined, as it wasn't really going to make a difference as to whether or not we had the baby. That we were sure that whatever the outcome, all of this was in God's control, anyway, and we would accept His will for our lives. But as I hung up the phone, it just, quite honestly, stuck with me... I don't know if they consciously realize how much these sorts of conversations can affect a mother to be... I mean, really... As much as I hate to admit it, it really has freaked me out a bit...

In my four previous pregnancies I have never had this type of testing before, that I know of... So I don't know if my "numbers" would have shown the same for any of them, or not, and I have 4, fairly healthy children... but now, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "what if?..." I mean, I know, because of my age that I was already at a higher risk... but it's not like I was going to... I don't know if I should say "worry" or "stress" but, maybe "think" about it so much.... But it does seem to have put a bit of weight on my mind that I wish wasn't there... Had I never been told, the thoughts probably would not weigh so heavily... I mean, after all, my chances of having a normal, healthy baby are still greater than not...

Some days I already feel so overwhelmed, and tired and like I just don't know how much more I can handle... What if I have a special needs baby?... What if I have a baby that will demand, by no fault of its own, more of my time and attention and possibly more money for medical needs?.... We have known and both worked with special needs children in our jobs (hubby and I). And we have alwasy been so moved and impressed at how families work together for the good of the child and how a special needs child can so often bring unexpected love and benefits to a family that were never expected... But, how will this affect the rest of my kids? My marriage? I know it's all in God's hands... In my mind I KNOW this... I really do... but I am human, and I am weak... Only in Christ am I strong...

Thank God for Fr. John... He really was the voice of Christ for me, today... I was blessed in going to confession this morning. We actually went to another parish first, but confessions had been cancelled because they were having first communion mass for a group of kids... So we ended up at our regular parish with Fr. John a couple of hours later. A permanent deacon for over 25 years, a biological father of 12 children of his own, a widower and now ordained priest for the past 5 years... I normally go to confession "in the box" because I have found it to be less "distracting" and able to focus, but for reasons not in my control, I had to go face to face. Fr. John greeted me warmly and I sat before him, closed my eyes and bowed my head. I told him that it had been WAY too long since my last confession and gave my list.... including my lack of trust and fear for the health of my baby within... Good ole Fr. John, father of 12, husband for many years, knew EXACTLY where I was coming from... he knew EXACTLY what to say to me... He told me that he and his beloved wife had been where I was at and they knew... That was enough to ease my mind... He told me that in the midst of my daily jobs to take time to remember the Holy Family, and to pray... when I feel overwhelmed and like no one is helping me or even noticing then, instead of dwelling on "where are they?" "why aren't they here, helping?" to ask God when I'm doing the dishes, "Lord, make my soul as clean as this dish..." when doing the laundry, "Lord, refresh my soul as these clothes..." yup... as simple as it was, it was what I needed to hear...

So, after making my act of contrition and Fr. giving me my penance and then placing his wise and shaking hands on my head for absolution, I wiped my tears and managed a smile, thanking him. But before I left he asked if I would mind if he touched my stomach.... The tears welled up again, as I nodded "yes" and he placed his hand on my belly and gave me and the baby another blessing.... I guess that's all the "counseling" I need, for now.... : )

ABC - vs - NFP

Paul, over at Thoughts of a Regular Guy has brought to my attention some great commercials, playing off the creativity of the PC -vs- MAC commercials. "Contraceptive" and "NFP" go head to head! They do a great job in pointing out that the two methods are just NOT the same! Check 'em out!

My Latest Doctors Appointment

Well, I returned to my doctor yesterday afternoon. My blood pressure had been running okay, between 128-132 over 77-80, so not too bad. But when I went in yesterday, after I signed in I was called across the hallway to the "billing department". Right away, I get a little funny feeling... You see, before I even SAW the doctor I had called our insurance about maternity coverage and was told that I was covered 100% for all maternity costs, minus the $100 deductible. But when I went in for my ultra sound a couple of weeks ago, was told I needed to pay my $80 co-pay before I saw the doctor. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, ultra-sounds are considered "extra" and fall under our 80%/20% category... whatever... thanks for letting me know... But! she told me then, all OTHER appointments with my doctor are included in my 100% coverage. Anyway, I go across the hall to see the billing lady...

And there, she places before me a breakdown of the "projected costs" of my maternity care (around $4400 for a vaginal delivery) and my "estimated" 20% that will be due BEFORE I go for delivery.... whoa!! Wait-a-minute!! So, I told her what my insurance had told me, not once but TWICE, over the phone, plus what the billing lady told me a couple of weeks ago when I went to have the ultra sound. So, she calls the insurance who does some checking and comes back to say that "yes" I'm covered 100% for "in-patient care"... okay, I said... what does that mean?... She explains that THAT means that I am covered 100% when I am IN THE HOSPITAL having the baby.... *BUZZ!!* --wrong answer, try again... So, she returns to the insurance people who do some more checking. A few minutes later she returns again and tells me, yes, I was right... I AM covered 100% for all maternity costs, EXCEPT ultra-sounds, which are considered "extra"... whatever... She then nonchalantly tosses the bill she had before me in the scrap box next to her desk and tells me "thank you. you can go : ) "

Great, lady, I'm thinkin'.... I already have blood pressure issues and NOW you want to send me back across the hall to see my doctor and have my blood pressure taken.... great... thanks... *sigh*... My BP turned out to be 140/78, but the nurse and doctor had a nice little chuckle when I told them what had happened only a few minutes earlier... I wonder how many more times I will have this happen?....

The rest of the appointment went pretty standard. It turns out that the finger prick test that I took along with the ultra sound came back with some "out of range" numbers, or something and that, basically, means that, combined with my age, puts me at an even higher risk for having a Downs baby... a 20% chance is what I was told... My doctor remains hopeful and optimistic, assuring me that my chances of having a healthy baby is still very good. The only way to diagnose "for sure" would be to have an amnio, but he felt that the risk was too high. If the baby is fine, I risk possibly miscarrying, due to the invasiveness of the amnio... and a definitive diagnosis wouldn't make a difference to us anyway. It wouldn't change whether or not we chose to have this baby... so... We continue to pray and trust in God's plan for our family... Not always easy, but we are confident that He won't hand us anything that we can't handle with His Love and Grace.

At his recommendation we will have another ultra sound July 3rd to check again on the baby's progress, and check all measurements, etc... He said that a lot more can be told by then, so that is what we will do... Any and all prayers offered for us and our baby are appreciated. God Bless!

Duggers Announce #18!

Wow! these people put me to shame! While much of the secular world still wants to cry about over population and saving the earth, the Duggers continue to trust God entirely with their "family planning" and are now expecting their 18th little "blessing"... And the really fantastic thing is that as much as people want to role their eyes at such a large family, the Duggers continue to CONTRIBUTE to society by faith and example, living entirely debt-free, as law abiding, tax paying, environmentally conscious Americans. No welfare, no government assistance. Not only that, but they are raising 17, soon to be 18, new citizens that will help US in the long run.... With so many people concerned with overpopulation, no one stopped to think with so few descendants, who would take care of the elderly when they were no longer able to work?... I guess that's why so many liberals now want to jump on the "euthanasia" band wagon... Can't take care of them, kill 'em... Backward thinking at it's best... No. I think the Duggers got it right... Is there any question that Jim-Bob and Michelle will be taken care of in their retirement years?... May God continue to bless the Duggers and their family! And I thank God for their example in living out God's plan for their life and family! Watch for their new up coming television special on Discovery Health.